Poem: Oi Brain I’m here… you can’t deny me
Updated: May 21, 2021
Poem on denial and memories kicking me into touch...
Yesterday I found lots of poems that I had written about four or five years ago and this one is about my mind (cleverly) protecting me, historically, and my body and gut prodding me to not let me forget.
Sharp stabbing pain in my chest when I breathe deeply and numb out the pain Someone says something I connect to, that hurts me Perhaps I think that I’m to blame ? I inhale, as if exasperated, and the sharp twinge hits me at my core It’s like my body’s saying this is real, this is excruciating And you can’t avoid it anymore Feeling like I can’t breathe and that my heart is hurting The stabbing takes my breath away it’s my brain prodding me and screaming oi you! Stop numbing, closing off - delay, delay, delay It’s the pushing down of all feelings on the subject To not break down or to protect Feeling physical agony when I won’t allow the emotional Closeness, commitment, security - everything I reject I float out of therapy in a numb but light and airy state I know it hurts, I’m not sure exactly why There’s this blurry barrier and my head’s a state I forget how to spell phrases that hurt me And frozen, lose my ability to communicate No concentration, no present tense, instead my soul migrates I want to run, I’m an expert at that Sometimes I block the sheer terror My brain training does it for me while I sit in (and vacate) my seat Protective mechanisms really can be clever
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