Blog: Love Languages, late -night writing..

#mentalhealthmatters

First of all, I have been looking at the design of this site and made a few discoveries…

I set this up not knowing what I was doing (I still don’t!) but I’ve figured out that, sometimes, less is more picture wise! So, my icon image for each blog page may be less detailed, cleaner and more streamlined. I think sizing has been an issue. However, I do want to develop my skills and, from time to time, make individual blog pages prettier!

Positivity is also something I want to focus on. I want my posts to have less negativity… and I can control this!

The last few months, since lockdown started, my sleeping patterns have been awful. Up at night, not being able to sleep (as often doing less during the day) and I’m, only now, starting to get into a more manageable routine! What’s infuriating is that for months I would ask myself ‘Why am I only creative after midnight?’ Maybe it’s something about the city being asleep, (or sleepier) the quiet and peacefulness. Either way, it’s a habit I will break out of…

There have been some incredible books, including Bryony Gordon’s 'Glorious Rock Bottom', which covers her journey to sobriety in a raw and powerful way (themes of alcoholism, assault, cocaine use, relationships and parenting). I love her honesty and inspiring story. Also, as possibly the only person not watching ‘Selling Sunset’, this week I came late to the party with ‘I Am Not Okay With This’, which is completely my kind of show! As well as it being awesome in itself, as a coming – of – age drama with some beautifully pitched sarcasm and one liners, the music fits perfectly. There is an eerie feel throughout and character Stanley Barber introduces the object of his affections, Sydney Novak, to the music of Bloodwitch.

Bloodwitch are not a real band, but were put together like one. Almost like Gorillaz, in their case, being virtual. Bloodwitch were formed by Graham Coxon from Blur and he has a backstory for them in mind, with their rock/ folk, vintagey sound.

The concept of love languages has also been in my thoughts. It’s a phrase I had occasionally heard, but didn’t understand that there have been five defined ways of communicating in relationships and that most will have a preference on receiving love in one, or two, or three, of these different ways.

I have not read Gary Chapman’s book and am also aware that, for survivors, thinking about categories on receiving and giving love may be difficult and triggering. Was not wanting to hear all of his ideas, but felt interested in which of the forms of showing love I appreciate the most… so I did an ‘official- looking’ online quiz! (I am not recommending a specific quiz)

The five categories are Words of Affirmation (encouragement, listening), Acts of Service (doing something special to help the other person), Gifts (self – explanatory), Time (spending time with someone you love) and Physical Touch. These can not just refer to romantic relationships, but to friendships and significant people in your life whom you care about. Of course, it’s also not just about how you take in and appreciate love, but also how you show others they are important – and you may do this in the ways you value most highly, but they do not. So, it’s nice to know what significant others prefer too.

I know I always like to tell people I care about that I love them and to tell them that they make me laugh, or that I admire their strength and determination... that kind of thing. And I’ve always had the feeling that I’m trying to fulfil a need that I have by doing that, so that nobody else has that longing (at least in that moment). At times it’s felt shameful, selfish (as I’m unnecessarily hard on myself) and like over – giving, as, perhaps, it’s my stuff. Also, though, I do genuinely feel that it’s great to tell someone you value what you value about them.

When I did the quiz, the result was that I appreciate words or affirmations, which makes sense and was not unexpected! I also value touch and feel that, overall, I’m a loving person.

There are probably pros to all of the five types, but I know I’d melt more at quality time if I was feeling down or a thoughtful act of service. Things like doing the washing up or posting a letter I forgot to – simple things. In the past, being made cards has meant so much to me and many people like gifts, but (for me) it’s not about extravagance, but about something being thoughtful.

Last year I got two presents that made me smile, for example. A Hamilton ‘Why do you write like you are running out of time?’ notebook (it gives me joy!)

I think my craving for love, often during those night time, non – sleeping periods, when I can allow my thoughts to develop a life of their own (rumination city), has often led to guilt. I need to be kinder to myself.

Phrases that help my mental health - validating quotes

Love and light xx

Image credit: Canva