Blog: No one cares. The Pygmalion effect?
Updated: Nov 11, 2020
It is possible that I’m not that bad.
Sometimes I think me feeling no one cares has become a self – fulfilling prophecy. The Pygmalion effect relates to high and low expectations having an impact on a person’s actions. I’m not thinking just about others having an impact on my reality though, but my reality being altered by my own (false) beliefs. They say that the biggest indicator, at times, on how you feel about yourself, is what you expect and who you attract, get into relationships with etc.
Hypothetically then, our actions towards others impact their beliefs on us…
I feel that no one cares about me. I find it hard to let people in. Those getting to know me sense me pulling back and are confused by it. They find me aloof when I’m soft and squishy really! I feel frustrated by this, but I’m not showing my true self.
If I, due to negative self – talk and habits, listen to a friend tell me about their problems and become too emotionally invested (or over – share too quickly about my own and feel awkward) I am not honing positive social and relational skills and it ends up feeling.. well just wrong.
I might listen to a person speak on their issue and try to be supportive, but when they ask about me I say ‘don’t worry about that’. I reinforce that ‘not worrying about that’ is most definitely OK. Then the next time they come to me with a problem, I feel abandoned and redundant (not that I say it), but I have encouraged this!
Other’s beliefs about us can cause their actions and their actions reinforce a held belief. A friend, recently, was annoyed with me not telling her how I was, through her care and my abandonment of the good ship self. Being a lovely human she wanted a two – way friendship – shocking I know!
My behaviour reflects me not feeling worthy internally and it has influenced, or at the very least bewildered, others. The ones who want to know how I am (behind all the bullshit) are the beautiful, awesome people that I should be calling friends.
I am taking baby steps and opened up to a wonderful friend the other night (who isn’t in this community) over some of my triggers. And, you know what, afterwards it wasn’t weird. It seemed to make sense to her and we talked about both of us.
I have also experienced people around me many, many years ago doubting my abilities and making assumptions. This chipped at my confidence and eroded it little pieces at a time. I never felt that much was expected of me.
Many achieve way more than others assume they will and, in that sense, assumption is the mother of all… well mess ups (or misunderstandings.) One person’s barometer of ‘achievement’ may not fit with another's.
A person may strongly misjudge someone’s capabilities. So, who has the right to put a limit on you? (ourselves and our lack of confidence included!) There should be no ceiling.
Much of this links to my self - talk. I'm working on it!!!!! ('It is possible that I am not that bad' is a starting point)
QUESTIONING MY SELF - TALK... NA AH TARA, NOT TRUE!
Music I'm listening to at the moment:
Exile (Taylor Swift feat. Bon Iver)
Issues (Julia Michaels)
Hamilton Mixtape (always!)
Home to You (Sigrid)
Image credits: Canva