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Poetry is my thunder

Updated: Jun 22

Sunshine and showers

Versus the me, truths 

Inscribed on me 

When you told me you knew

Angry overwhelms after hurt months 

As I try to portray myself to you 

I feel like that little child

Made to feel she was ‘bad’

Wanting, so badly, to express 

that my feelings were true 

I wonder why I have to try so hard 

at life 

There are multiple reasons 

and no reason, for that

and circumstances 

Not you, not finger - pointing

You aren’t the reason why 

After weeks of exhausted contemplation

Scattered thoughts

That lead to moments 

moving forward, lows and highs

If there was a pie chart

There are many slices 

I gotta question my diet 

and I ate regurgitated pie 

I was never told

Go ahead, express yourself

And it was a different time

I wish I’d not been categorised

as the conniving one 

When I felt truth

and my essence 

A sense of awareness

and abandonment of awareness 

I felt so far behind 

Avoidant and longing for attachment

Looking in places that saw me fall

It was younger me that felt so scared 

and protective

Though it seems like adult me

who built the wall

Hard to trust - but hopeful

Hard to know - but really care

Not believing that help is genuine

and not feeling deserving 

of any togetherness 

The limited moments

The first editions  

It takes me so long to value 


Although I value you from the first moment 

But not enough to open up 

Truly be present, and be there 

And when it cuts me 

With my own purpose 

I heat myself up with usefulness 

I tick boxes that 

warm me, 

and grief,

My only purpose that I share 

For what I can’t be for me

and can’t have 

swarms me

But such empathy 

as you share 

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