Blog: My Body is my prison
Updated: Sep 17
I have been considering the many types of prisons that we live in, mental health wise. We trap and cage ourselves because some of our training did that too.
The original and internal jail mantra, for me, was ‘I can never be whole. I don’t matter and I’m not a person’. Not writing these negative messages to begin with, I made assumptions based on various circumstances.
We bind and tie ourselves, but how do we know otherwise?
The jails we create are in need of a break out
Full freedom will be the prize
Prisons that society made we can leave
We build our own walls,
Grasp our freedom
Ignore how we ‘should’ be perceived
Healthy bricks and mortar to stabilise every time
Building the boundaries
My way, the proper way… they’re mine
We try to be present
Disbelieving my own lie
Numbness has been my prison
A prison of unworthiness and apathy
Concrete layers of leaking shame
Seeping, crawling that I refuse to live in
Jail has no walls
The door was unlocked
What have I been up to? Well, I did some painting on walls where I live. Just covering up any marks or cracks... so walking around like a human tipp-ex essentially! I'm not sure how good or even my handiwork is (not in picture!) Been feeling a bit foggy and light headed, with pelvic pain, over the last few days and have been taking it easy. Am about to watch an interesting documentary about Sheridan Smith (singer, actress who I love) and mental health during pregnancy.
Normally at this time of year I’d be busy with work and 2020 is very different, so I’m going to address what I’m doing with my life! I know that writing about and raising awareness of mental health is something that I want to do. This has been on my mind for a very long time, due to my passion for it. Also, taking better care of my physical health needs to be a priority, as is therapeutic healing and developing my support system. Then, perhaps, I will be in a better position to give.
Sometimes we can cage ourselves, especially if we have been put into certain boxes in the past, but I WILL get there!