All the questions you secretly want to ask non - survivors / people not struggling with MH? (c-ptsd)
Updated: Oct 9
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Trigger warning: sex and consent, childhood
I have so many questions! All of the time!
I’d even like to interview a ‘regular’ (non – survivor) person, who does not struggle with mental health.
And get honest answers.
Sometimes I don’t know if my responses to situations (or my feelings on them) are ‘normal’.
I do hate that word.
However, even though I know that, in our circumstances, my emotional reactions are often natural and that others feel the same way, I’m not psychic! I’d like to know how ‘regular’ people think. (In fact, sometimes, I’d like to understand how all people think if I’m being truthful).
Our (ones) internal dialogue - body sensations, senses of dread, panic, numbness and eagerness to please -is, often, the only internal dialogue we hear!
I love really open, honest books as it feels like you are peering into the author’s soul and sometimes you can discuss these inner conversations openly, but how often?
So, I have queries.. things I wonder about. I secretly (now openly) want to be able to ask a non – survivor, to compare and contrast. I genuinely find these differences interesting!
1. I’m intrigued. Do you remember full episodes of consensual sexual relationships you’ve had, or is it all a blur?
I wanted to believe for a while that it’s a ‘passion’ thing – everything getting all sweaty and blurry- but really?
2. Do you walk around feeling a sense of peace ALL THE TIME? Like, it’s never been any different?
You are relaxed, comfortable… just in the world, living. Is the sensation of your shoulders being in knots unusual?
3. When people look at you, in a shop say, or on public transport, do you wonder if something in you disgusts them? Or do you think nothing of it?
Would you wonder if you have something on your face or if, somehow, they can see your ‘weird’ thoughts?
4. Is questioning your own memories of events something you deal with frequently? When you think of a memory (or anything actually) does your brain look for ways in which you were in the wrong?
5. How much of your childhood can you remember and in how much detail? Can you talk about toys, games, friends.. things that were said or happened on particular holidays or days out? Do you feel warm when recalling these and is there a sense of emotional safety?
Can you think about the negative and the positive? So, a mix of things that happened, largely positive?
6. When you are about to engage in sex (or were in the past) did you feel a stomach flip? You could never be sure if it was nervous excitement or a ‘oh dear, I’m doing this’ sense of dread? When you are kissing someone for the first time is there a certainty in your mind.. or does it feel like doubt.. or a mix of both?
I think I know the answers to a lot of these questions but I’m curious about what goes on in other people’s heads.
7. Do you have bad dreams that feature people you know and, if so, how often?
8. When you fall asleep do you always feel secure in complete calmness and safety?
9. If you feel you are being undermined can you react efficiently, or do you freeze?
…. And when writing a blog, do you get bored of your own voice by question ten?!
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