Graffiti on my brain
- May 14
- 2 min read
Updated: 4 days ago
Stimmy shimmy ahhhhs
and hums
and soothes
and beating drums
I interrupted you. I’m sorry.
Sometimes I get excited to connect
I feel stupid.
Like a failure.
I ache for the moments
where the ‘right’ activities run..
Bleeding and aching
and giving it all
Would you like an apology
with all my food?
Trained to apologise
Coerced into expecting judgement
A lifetime, now shredded
Living with regret
Masking felt like the easiest option
Somehow, I was still the fool
Not a choice, not my soul’s recommendation
The fear
A button, that society forced
Words are my lifeline
Among the trauma soup
Important, for me, to layer up the rawness
Abolish the need to please
and embrace being me
Finally, in validation, through grief and
self-compassion
My life can click into the tracks
of it’s true routing
A path, mouldy and shame-ridden
To, loving and being, me
Jaw locked
Bones clenched
Face working out, without exercise
If only body and facial tension paid rent!
A poem about living, in it’s most basic of forms (everything)
I was scared of accidental plagiarism
Now, I want to read more poetry
Was so stuck in my head
That there was no space for the beyond
Now I thrive on my own energy
Like building up to mini, magnificent, peaks
and average - moments
It’s time to hear inner-me speak
Be more open to the world
The leafy open spaces
Trees that remind me of stability
Beauty in other’s souls and hearts
Eyes that feel less vacant
The gentle paws and panting
That spell out bliss and togetherness
in solitude
It’s love, it’s joy
The heavy that kept me apart
Soft ears, wet nose and gentle
with lavished excitement
She’s more than just feeling fond
These are the moment I treasure
and life was a moment I ran from
The breathing it all in
Which I ripped from me
I care now
and cared deeply
My cords severed, I’d been casual
in needing to abscond
It’s not a soft spot
It’s a soft body and whole heart
If I had a flower for every time I think of you
One of the most beautiful lines
What do I want to do with this one, wonderful life
I paraphrase and it’s part of my art
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