Poem: How many nights?

If they don't want to know they probably aren't your people....

How many nights have you cried yourself to sleep? You don t want to answer that question I’ll let you change the subject

you can see the relief Is it ‘normal’ for me to do that? Not tonight maybe 2am triggers leave me numb, sad

... Flat Is it normal to google ‘how it feels to be held’? Can’t believe I’m admitting that Quick post, before I shame myself, blame myself

.... Dwell I don’t know if others feel these things and it seems like too much to just ask Opening up the conversation, wanting to connect Starting - tentatively, nervously, - to start I’m used to the flicker of the eyes that says ‘Tara, that’s enough’ We don’t want to know, let’s ignore You’ve already said way too much Is it ok for me to have fixated on death? In a way that I don’t think others do I believed it was so natural Never had twitter, support .. or you Even if you had heard the words Or occasionally when you do I don’t think you really hear the words As they would feel shameful to you Button up, stand up, push it down down down Everything’s however it’s supposed to be No crying, no pain, no frown The idea of mental and physical health connecting Well, that’s a concept to be ignored Memories staying with you, your soul hurting Picking yourself up off the floor The crying is what’s supposed to happen in my mind It’s just what I have to go through Afterwards, I’ll settle no wonder the exhaustion follows me when I have shit to do When the tears are forgotten, irrelevant, meaningless, a necessary evil I’ll forget my day started at 2am But my soul never got the memo on reprieval! I feel out of sorts as I go about my daily business I must remind my night time brain on rolling thoughts

'Hey stop it, you need to shift this' Smile, laugh, connect Until the 2am pain becomes less frequent It’s not about those who ignore their feelings.. and mine I can do it, I know I can In wanting connection I'm doing just fine

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