How can I be the truest..

From nothing

To something

Feels like such a gap

A soul’s Lift from within the valleys

A presence, not taking

Knowing and feeling, Adding

My lack of embodiment

Not living, alive, over a twenty year present

Was necessary

Fear (the subtract)

..Made me insular

Shed me, and put Drawn-Towards,

literally, last

..

Coming from a place of honesty

That has lived, Forever, within

Lack of self-trust

meant I never read, .. Wanting

.. I’m not dragging my insides

and calling it lust

I, unsteadily, wandered (numbly)

Into estuaries

and tidal currents

In me, there wasn’t trust

But, I was in darkness

Shutdown from every light

show, for us

..

The assumption of pre-destiny

 Not wanting, greedily

The tragedy of a life,

unexplored

as I Can’t live and can’t be

.. Cos, they named the ship trauma

And fashioned her

I fell in line, ignored

all of the mes

The body’s protection

has nothing to do

with it - and who’s always been me

I would have seen life sooner

Without abandonment

Locked up

-and out to sea

..

The tenderness that can’t be

ignored

Lack of exploration, woven into

the deep-seated doubt

..Silenced, in a reverberating

Wall of sound

It was the other way round

I was cut off at my source

A voice that wasn’t, joyously,

allowed

..

Getting closer to standing aloft

Deserving of living

-Worthy, confidently

The support of arms

Moving deeply, into who I’ve Forever been

More seemed to be an

excessive ask

The, untold, weight

Now, unfolding

Lit up, when my soul

speaks

and rescues me

..

A life lived. Cherished

Aligning, in each piece

Letting go of restraints

and orders

To, eyes on my own self

The power of

being seen

and the release

..

The feeling of tears welling, writing this

Knowing the written words that are true

Steadying myself, proudly

as I feel, Alive

The peaks that they told

us had meaning

First time, without you..

..reinforcing the negative,

Shattering, already, confused

The metaphorical landscape

opening up

Into vast realness

Deeper, where it always grew

..

Then, settlements

of Hope

Terrains of safety

bringing the mountains

Chats, feeling like a hand to hold

..Grateful for me verbalising my insides

Standing, like grains of

sand

Stronger collectively,

In holding their own

Steps, out of sandals

Feet flourishing in the gentleness of dipping

Warm fragments, of softer plans

Creativity springing

from shared conversation

And, inner-me

A thought I can’t abandon

(We’ve done, Leave)

Human warmth

settling into lost bones

Whole body, and undiscovered lands

..

Gentleness towards myself

And all the shades

of the mauve

The mauve has nothing to do

with this

You asked What is the One

thing?

You motioned to the stone

All the performances that never happened

with strangers

Feeling like a, now breathing, stunned chest

Exhilarated by the winched removal

and of the magnitude of the moment

A never-had conversation, all about

the storing of all the rest

Rocked by the sharp edges of

what I’d known

Grateful to sit and sink into outdoors

Grass, gently, comforting my legs

..Now, allowed to feel me

After removal of the

bulky load

Allowed me to sit

Allowing my soul to rest

To settle into my soul

A house you’ve been in for years

Adapting, into a home

This was the One thing I couldn’t say

An energy, so familiar,

Making moves, for always

That, feel like, they only

belong to Today

..

Where safety and a belonging,

kind-of , nervous

Plant possibility on the page