..
Swelling
You freeze them, to relieve them
These swollen feet
My body fights me feeling
In the pursuit of emptiness
But, what does numb teach?
What I think I don’t need to talk
about
and am dismissive of
Then threatens me with a nightmare
Reminding me to do the job
My body working against me
When these cells of skin and muscle
are my house
Years of conspiring
To inflict numbness
Rousing lines and bars of memories
A chorus and a cacophony
Needs, shut off and released in split seconds of screaming
The numbness is so loud
..
I have to Be Still - poetry drafts
I have to be still
‘Err, don’t speak’
‘No!’
‘Not again’
Peacefully, connected
Resist the urge
Jump in and cut the cord
Stick with it
Feeling my core
The words are in interjection
of recycled denial, storeys deep
Excuses, unworthy of my psyche
That I don’t need anymore
Make it quiet
Make it present
There is hunger
This is sacred
Wrapping, what the
eyes say only, into this space
I don’t want to break it
Like a demon
Killing my own opportunity
to connect
Silencing the voices
as the pit in my stomach
comes out
For a moment, I see everything
that’s been calling
In tastes, patterns
Invisible, walls of pain
No scars, but, I act punctured
The words of softness
Take me, Hold me
I am in this
Aggressor, that no one wanted
to infantilise
Mouth closed, my chest telling my story
Breathe and stay there
Just one minute for
her to be honoured
Restored, of self-acceptance
The rain storms
that needed moments to flash,
remain and clean, through, never over
Shrieks unheard, the body echoes
not temptations
Elevation comes, in the building
Rinsing
Sustaining, us all
Keeping me alive
Make it vulnerable
Let the tears speak
Curl up
The taut vocal cords
about to sacrifice
the emptiness, heard
For a moment of relief
-
Dig down in there
Stay in it
There is no need for it
Core, gutted out, with conviction
In power
Laid bare
When the head is fighting
to maintain the inertia
Drop zone, held, shakes it up
In the mirror, it’s dark depths,
Not their perception,
That I see
Centuries of thawing restoring
life
Fixed the disturbance
For everyone, but me
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