A Place to call Home
Updated: Mar 31
Finding my place in this crazy universe has always felt untouchable. Being comfortable in my own skin even more so. Perhaps a therapist would say that I’m acting out my inner child’s desires, but creativity, adult colouring books and anything artsy I’m now strangely drawn to.
So, I booked a morning of pottery…
I got there, feeling sticky, uneasy and like I don t quite fit in (to society, not within the room) and was surprised by how intense my vulnerability felt. Talking to others on my table it probably wasn’t obvious – the chattiness and big smile masked everything. Then the organiser got up to speak.
She was an inspirational woman, raising money for charity by offering workshops and, as
incredible as that was, I felt scared. You see, I’m terrified of anyone who works within the mindfulness, psychology, crafty, touchy – feely sector. Because, potentially, they could see right through me. There were forty other people in the room, but, naturally, if she looked into my eyes, she could see the pain and read me like a book.
In my self – obsessed state, of course, I was the only person she’d notice! Irrational, yes, and ridiculous, but she’s into ‘that sort of stuff’ and I, in my delusional state, thought she was
The organiser was actually just a lovely woman who came around the tables chatting to everyone and, even though my pottery left a lot to be desired, made a comment stood beside me as we were clearing up that may or may not have been aimed at me! She said that ‘you’ showed determination and that that was important. I ignored the comment because what I wanted to say was ‘What me?’ (Of course, people can just look right through me, I don’t count.) There were other people in the room.. she can’t have been referring to the girl right next to her!
It’s funny though that when someone says something encouraging it can’t possibly be to me, yet when they see anything negative it can only be me that they are looking at!
The focus in my head hadn’t really been the pottery, but I developed my own ‘unique’ creation, which was not well put together (I’m not even sure what it was!) It featured a heart. Miss positivity leader commented ‘It’s always good to have love’. This woman’s good!!!!
Yes, she had an arsenal of feel – good feedback to give and I immediately liked her. Her energy was contagious, but her commenting on my piece still made me squirm in my seat.
Zen clay manager’s first observation was more on point though.
I was creating a smulshy dish when she diplomatically observed ‘There are quite a few cracks and not much consistency.’ I laughed to myself wanting to say ‘Tell me about it Miss Positivity, sounds like my life!’